Michelle asks: My 11-year-old daughter just started middle school, where she has to run for gym class. She hates running and feels like she is always last. Monday they had to run 220 yards, today 440, and tomorrow 880. Next week, they run a mile. Do you have any suggestions for her with her breathing? Maybe some training we could do together?
Michelle, your question tears at my heartstrings. I too hated running in school because I always felt "less than" and struggled with physically feeling comfortable. I can relate to her emotions, and I’m sure lots of my readers can as well. I’m so glad your daughter is connecting with you as a safe outlet for her to be heard and have her feelings validated.
Another way to love her through this is to give her a few tools of empowerment so she can navigate through the situation in her own sweet style. Although there are benefits to physical fitness tests like these (assessing fitness), they can be interpreted as competitions, where the fastest are "kings of the hill" and the slowest are mocked and made fun of. There is a reason many kids come away hating running, and this atmosphere is at the root cause.
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On the flipside, I don’t believe we all should be No. 1 and coddled, either. We can't all be at the front of the pack, but we can learn to celebrate and honor everyone’s efforts. I have a friend who teaches physical education, and her running curriculum is presented as a team sport. The kids learn together how to run with good form, how to breath, and how to monitor their efforts by what their bodies are telling them.
Every child runs the various running tests, and instead of focusing on time, they each have a personal chart where they learn to measure heart rate, perceived exertion on an emoticon scale, distance, and how strong they felt. They chart their progress over time and train together so they have a sense of commitment to a goal and achievement in progression. They host relays, scavenger hunts, and more to fuel the fun parts of running. A child that may be the slowest at overall speed could finish in front in a scavenger hunt because of their navigational skills.
There are a variety of awards given out at the end of the year, including "closest to predicted time (best pacer)," "fastest," "most consistent," "best buddy (support)," and "most improved." Setting up our kids to learn to love a lifetime sport like running will change their lives. It just takes a little time to teach the core reasons for why running and walking are such vital activities.
I’d highly encourage you to share in this journey with your daughter. Teach her how to tune into her body, listen to her breath, and modulate her running effort with walking when things get challenging. This will give her the tools to control how she reaches the finish line, and more importantly, it will allow her body time to adapt to the demands of running without hurting.
- Create a goal together (e.g. a fun 5K, like the Color Run) and train with her.
- Walk for five minutes at the start and finish of the run and include some stretches at the end.
- Let her guide the sessions by her breath and how she’s feeling, and start with time rather than distance. Run until she can hear her breath; walk until she catches it.
- Start slowly. A 10-minute session may not seem like much for us, but for an 11-year-old who hates running, it is a lifetime!
- Gradually build up the time on your feet to 15 to 20 minutes (and longer if you’re training for that 5K).
- Create a chart that you both can complete with fun stickers or stamps when you complete training sessions up to your target goal (5K). Keep track of the distance, time, and how she feels in the chart so she can see the progression over time.
- Celebrate with a special reward after the event (dinner at her favorite place).
As for her runs in gym class, giving her a personal strategy with walking and running allows her to have some say in the matter and will help ease her through the runs at school. It may not turn her into a running fan, but it sure can help her understand the benefits and fun of running.
You’re a great active role model for your daughter!
